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 Posted:
Fri Jun 03, 2005 9:37 pm
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Consultant
Joined: 03 Jun 2005
Posts: 22
Location: The O.C.
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| I HATE HATE HATE when people start talking about putting on different hats. I picture them all as cone-shaped dunce hats. |
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| Posted:
Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:41 am
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Manager
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 49
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| I think we need a human Bullfighter. You place it in a conference room meeting right next to the Polycom and if someone triggers too many "bullshit" words, the light starts flashing and we move on to the next person. |
_________________
DTE - I think I love you... but I want to know for sure |
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| Posted:
Sat Jun 04, 2005 9:35 am
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Consultant
Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 22
Location: Coming soon, to a cubicle near you...
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Recall Dr. Evil's nifty conference room chair arrangement. One button, and to the fire pits they go!
I hear "action item" and "take aways" at the end of almost every meeting... upon hearing these 2 phrases, i immediately pay attention... b/c god knows i've zoned out for everything else... |
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| Posted:
Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:34 pm
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Principal
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 164
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| PartnerMaterial wrote: |
| whatever wrote: |
How about "..the Net-Net is.."? Was it on the list already? I like this one 'cuz it signals when I actually need to start listening 
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hahaha brilliant. I've heard this one many times, OK people, if the "net" of something is the gist or essence of it, how convoluted is your message that you have to give them a net-net??? Or maybe when people use it what they're really saying is:
OK, I've explained this to you already but since you are so dumb, I have to break it down again so that your feeble mind and big wallet can continue to coexist in this room with my brilliance.
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I think what someone is really saying when they use this phrase is that "I stayed out drinking last night instead of doing the research that I was supposed to do, and I have just been talking to stall while I try to come up with a plausible idea." |
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The Dorito
As a Swiss Verein The Dorito has no liability for any of his actions |
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| Posted:
Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:41 pm
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Manager
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 38
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I've always liked the term "managing expectations." It allows you to any shitty work for the client and if your manager calls you out on it you can always say, "you should have done a better job of managing expectations."
Of course, now I find myself using it in personal life. I found myself telling my friend to be sure he managed expectations when he was planning a horrible Valentine's Day for his g/f. |
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| Posted:
Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:19 pm
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Manager
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 63
Location: In the cube across from you
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| PartnerMaterial wrote: |
I've always liked the term "managing expectations." It allows you to any shitty work for the client and if your manager calls you out on it you can always say, "you should have done a better job of managing expectations."
Of course, now I find myself using it in personal life. I found myself telling my friend to be sure he managed expectations when he was planning a horrible Valentine's Day for his g/f.
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It's only a matter of time before we start using these terms in our non-work life. I caught myself using "low-hanging fruit" in a social setting. The sad thing is that they actually thought it was a clever term.  |
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Mon Jun 06, 2005 2:18 pm
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Manager
Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 64
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| roadwarrior wrote: |
It's only a matter of time before we start using these terms in our non-work life. I caught myself using "low-hanging fruit" in a social setting. The sad thing is that they actually thought it was a clever term.
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Incidentally, I actually think a lot of the consulting terminology started off clever . . . the problem is frequency of use. If people had a little more variety in their repetoire the consulting terms wouldn't sound quite so bad, but everyone feels the need to recycle the same words because they think they're good, the same way radio stations play the same horrible pop songs on infinite repeat. |
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| Posted:
Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:36 pm
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Principal
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 164
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| Zeitschen wrote: |
Incidentally, I actually think a lot of the consulting terminology started off clever . . . the problem is frequency of use. If people had a little more variety in their repetoire the consulting terms wouldn't sound quite so bad, but everyone feels the need to recycle the same words because they think they're good, the same way radio stations play the same horrible pop songs on infinite repeat.
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Well I do not recycle the same words. I leverage best practice terminology. |
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The Dorito
As a Swiss Verein The Dorito has no liability for any of his actions |
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| Posted:
Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:18 pm
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Manager
Joined: 25 May 2005
Posts: 64
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| thedorito wrote: |
Well I do not recycle the same words. I leverage best practice terminology.
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Must . . . avoid . . . sharp . . . objects . . . |
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| Posted:
Wed Jun 08, 2005 12:43 pm
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Analyst
Joined: 07 Jun 2005
Posts: 5
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Net-net is one of my all time favorite, meaningless ones. "Guys, I'm giving you the 'net' of it is, but just ignore that. Listen to what the 'net-net' of it is. That's what's key!"
And how could we forget bandwidth (when not referring to technology)? As in, "Do you have to bandwidth to do this task right now?" |
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| Posted:
Wed Jun 08, 2005 2:13 pm
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Principal
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 164
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| thedot wrote: |
And how could we forget bandwidth (when not referring to technology)? As in, "Do you have to bandwidth to do this task right now?"
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You could always go wireless, and start referring to your available frequency spectrum. |
_________________
The Dorito
As a Swiss Verein The Dorito has no liability for any of his actions |
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| Posted:
Wed Jun 08, 2005 8:41 pm
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Senior Manager
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 77
Location: The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good
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| Although in general I like turning nouns into verbs to create consultanese, I'm pretty tired of hearing the term "networking" constantly in trainings/firm e-mails. Here's a clue for all of you: Networking is just being nice to people and showing some common decencies. Although with some people I've worked with, maybe they do need to be constantly reminded of that. |
_________________
You guys are like brothers to me, not like real brothers, but brothers in the way black people say it. |
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| Posted:
Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:08 pm
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Manager
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 63
Location: In the cube across from you
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| thedot wrote: |
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And how could we forget bandwidth (when not referring to technology)? As in, "Do you have to bandwidth to do this task right now?"
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Ah, yes... bandwidth. Just as good as 'cycles.' |
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| Posted:
Thu Jun 09, 2005 10:23 pm
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Principal
Joined: 26 May 2005
Posts: 163
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| Zoolander wrote: |
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Although in general I like turning nouns into verbs to create consultanese, I'm pretty tired of hearing the term "networking" constantly in trainings/firm e-mails. Here's a clue for all of you: Networking is just being nice to people and showing some common decencies. Although with some people I've worked with, maybe they do need to be constantly reminded of that.
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I agree, this 'Networking' shit sounds really shmoozy; but what else would they call it? 'Being Buddy Buddy', 'Shooting the Shit'. I never liked the word 'Networking' even when they used it in college. |
_________________
Hey, don't shoot me... I'm just the messenger |
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| Posted:
Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:50 pm
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Manager
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 49
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| How about: don't be a douchebag. Lots of people here could use that advice. |
_________________
DTE - I think I love you... but I want to know for sure |
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